A Day Trip to London Sounds Marvelous, Right?

WRONG.


Here was the master plan for the day: catch a bus to the train station, ride a train to London Paddington Station, ride the tube to Waterloo Station, walk around the corner to the London Eye, eat a picnic lunch in a nice park-y spot, tour Buckingham Palace, get dinner at a restaurant, then tube to Paddington, train to Reading, bus home.


The skeleton of the plan worked, but the flesh on the skeleton was rotten. How's that for a metaphor?


As we were leaving the house in a rush, Caleb was goofing off while putting his milk in the fridge and spilled it all over the floor and himself. I just mopped up the worst of it and left the house. Caleb had wet-ish pants for a while until he dried. We hustled down to the bottom of the hill to catch a direct bus to the train station, but we weren't sure which of the 4 stations in the same vicinity we needed and we didn't have much time to figure it out. Fortunately we saw the right bus coming and darted across the street in time to catch it.


Train station. Everything went well here. Tickets, platforms, bathrooms, and train.


On the train to Paddington. We had to find 4 seats together, which can be a challenge, but Steve did very well. We had Julie in the stroller and it just barely fit in the aisle. We got to a table with 4 seats, took Julie out of the stroller, folded it up and stowed it. The kids got bored and restless after exactly 3.2 minutes, so I pulled out our new MP3 player (cheapo off eBay) and let them listen to one of their fairy stories that I loaded on the night before.


We arrived in Paddington without delay, which is not normal. I was counting on delays, so our first tickets for the day's activities weren't until 11.00, and it wasn't even 9 yet. Audrey had been whining that she was hungry, so we decided to get a brunch snack (and yes, we all had breakfast before we left home). Lo and behold, there's a Krispy Kreme in the station. What a treat! The donuts here (with the exception of KK) are like plain bread with icing. Not very good. Right outside of the Krispy Kreme is a statue of Paddington's most famous traveler - Paddington Bear. Of course we got shots of the kids with him. How could we not? Caleb and Steve love the stories!

Post-donuts we rode down an escalator to Paddington's tube station and got tickets. We rode a lot of escalators today. When we did, we'd take Julie out of the stroller and one of us would hold her and the other of us would hold the stroller.


The kids were intrigued by the underground, but that wore off later in the day.


We got to Waterloo earlier than I anticipated - at 10.00. Our tickets said that we should be there 30 minutes prior to our "flight" time, so we were still 30 minutes ahead of my schedule. We had a nice little stroll up to the main building to visit the potties and feed Julie. We decided after this (it was only 10.20) to go ahead and check the stroller into the stroller-check room and get in line. We were in line for as long as it took us to walk the 3 or 4 "back and forths" that there were to go around. We boarded our capsule and were off.


The kids were entranced. For 5 minutes. The whole flight takes 25-30 minutes. It was overcast, so we couldn't see the farther buildings, but we saw Big Ben & Parliament. When I booked our tickets online, I also bought an "Essential Eye" book that had a panoramic view from each direction with certain buildings and other landmarks labeled. So I took Caleb to all 4 sides and we found the different places. It killed the time and I rather enjoyed it.

Overall, Steve and I agree that this is a novel, but overrated attraction. Or at least overpriced for what you get out of it.


Got off the Eye and headed towards the Westminster Bridge to cross the Thames back towards Big Ben, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, and Buckingham. Literally 2 minutes into our walk, Audrey starts whining about being tired. Thus begins the truly *lovely* dimension that Audrey added to our day.


We got over the bridge, crossed a few streets and headed over to Westminster Abbey, since it was only 11.10 or so. We thought we'd pop in and kill some more time before Buckingham - our tickets for this weren't until 3.30. We got to the main entrance and discovered that for our whole family, it would be £22 - 40 bucks. No thank you.

Audrey continues to whine and now Caleb starts to try to pull his hand away from Steve, which did not sit well with Steve. Thus begins Caleb's addition to our experience - constantly battling Steve when Steve needed to hold his hand.

We made our way over to St. Jame's Park and enjoyed a nice stroll through it. It's on the SE side of Buckingham, so we were close. We stopped at one point to watch some squirrels playing and pigeons landing on peoples' outstretched hands. Caleb and Audrey both tried standing still enough for a bird to land on their hands, but their plans were thwarted by their own impatience. Onward to the playground.


This was probably the highlight of the day. It had a really cool sand pit, and separate areas for swings, play equipment, a teeter totter, and big snails to climb on. While we were there, we could hear the Queen's guard military band playing. It was the changing of the guard. I figured the kids were better off playing, so we didn't rush over to see it. Plus my shoes were off and I was enjoying the wonderfully cool, fine sand on my hot tootsies. But Steve got pictures.

We spent quite a while here and the kids really enjoyed their time playing. We also snacked a bit on the fruit and cheese I brought.


We left around 1 and headed to the palace. The palace warden lady told us to come back at 3.20 for our 3.30 entrance. I didn't really understand how this "timed ticket" system would work, but I knew that if we missed our 3.30 entrance, we missed out altogether because "latecomers not admitted." Ok. So we wandered down the street towards the Victoria Station Shopping Centre. We stopped along the way (after a couple of wrong turns) at a "park." I use the term loosely. It was a green space with benches, but we sat on the memorial statue to somebody-or-other, but where we were was smelly. Unfortunately there was nowhere else to sit, so we toughed it out with our chicken and cheese sandwiches. As soon as we were done, we were outta there. Bye bye stink!

Steve was adamant that there was a shopping centre at Victoria Station. As we walked further past Victoria Station, we saw 2 shopping centres. I chose the one that had the more visually appealing signs. That teaches me to choose a shopping centre by its signs. It was lousy. There was exactly 1 trash can in the whole place and no public toilets to speak of. I *had* to go by this time. I knew the kids were fine, because they had used the "under 5s" toilets at the playground. So we crossed the street to the centre with the ugly signs. *This* is what we had been looking for. Toilets, variety of shops, food court.

We visited the potties and got Julie changed. Audrey and I were entertained in the women's restroom because they had blacklights in there. The whole thing wasn't lit by them, but they were hanging over the stalls. I think it was to help the bathroom attendant see if any of the toilets needed to be flushed. When there was toilet paper in the bowl, the water glowed from the blacklight hitting the paper making it glow blue. We had a fun time looking at our shirts, shoes, socks, etc. under the blacklight. Steve said the boys didn't have the same lighting in their bathroom. Too bad for them.

After the potties, we went to the food court and finished off the last of the donuts. Then down the escalators to the shopping level. At this point, my front jeans pocket started vibrating and ringing. As I was taking the phone out, I noticed Audrey doing the "cell phone ring tone" dance that we always do when the phone rings. It was Mom and we talked for a while as Steve and the kids browsed a PC game shop. Then at a bookstore, I bought a map and guidebook of Paris. We're going to meet Cindy & Alan (Steve's sis and hubby) there in October.

Back out on the street and heading for the palace. It's 3.00. Audrey is whining again. Rather, she's STILL whining. Ever since we left the London Eye, her refrain has been: "I don't want to go to the palace! I want to go home straightaway! I'm tired!" Several hours later, her tune hasn't changed, only increased in volume. Back at the palace at 3.10. The same warden told us that we could either wait in the long line for our entry at 3.30, or we could wait somewhere else and come back at 3.20 or 3.25. So we opted to sit in the shade and let the kids listen to more of the Rainbow Fairies stories.

Back to the entrance at 3.20 and were told that we had to wait in the long line by the same lady. I was thoroughly confused by this time, but we waited in line anyway. Audrey is all but laying down on the sidewalk crying about any and everything. I try to comfort her only to be yelled at. 3.30 and the line moves. It had been stationary for 10 minutes. I see people starting to line up beside us on the other side of the fence. Turns out that's where we're headed: to a holding pen on the other side of the fence. But only those people with 3.30 tickets. Then when all the 3.30s are in, they move us to another holding pen, this one with access to one door that I'm assuming is the entrance. But we wait here for another 5 or 6 minutes. More whining and demands. I know she's not hungry because we just ate less than an hour previous. I know she's hot because it's been a muggy day all day long and we're all suffering from the humidity, but there's nothing I can do about that, now is there?

Finally I hear Steve say, "I think they've just let in the last of the 3.15 group." I think this around 3.50, because the first holding pen behind us is filling up with the 3.45 people. Eventually, we get to the door. We hadn't been able to see in until this point. It's a security checkpoint like in the airport. There are 2 lanes each with a metal detector you walk through and an x-ray machine thing for bags.

All along, I had been operating under the assumption that we would have to carry Julie because our tickets say that people with pushchairs (strollers) may be asked to check their strollers to pick up at the end of the tour. Steve takes this literally - it's not a given, but a possibility. Up to the doorway of the security room, nobody had mentioned having to leave the stroller, so we have all of our coats jammed in the bottom of it on top of the front pack. Then the girl at the door tells us that we need to fold up the pushchair to put it through the x-ray machine and that we would have to check it. There are literally100 people behind us from the 3.30 group, not to mention the 3.45 group and probably by now the 4.00 group, waiting to get in past us while we are messing with the stroller, the kids, the coats, the backpack, the front pack, not to mention all the junk from our pockets that we have to put in bowls to go through the x-ray machine. It was a nightmare.

Get through, get everything checked, get Julie settled in the front pack. At this point, we only have 2 children to hang onto. No bags, no strollers, just Caleb & Audrey. Audrey is a little better by this point and I'm optimistic. Then we enter the next room where we pick up the audio tour devices. It's a little electronic thing that hangs around your neck and has headphones. Steve gets his, I get mine, then I ask for some for the kids. When they find out Audrey is 3, they won't give her one.

Total meltdown time.

It takes us 5 minutes to walk the 20 steps to the actual entrance to the palace. She is having a complete and total tantrum and will not be mollified. An older warden (grandfather age) at the door has pity on her and asks what's wrong. When he finds out she wanted an audio tour, he immediately gives her one, but not with headphones. She can listen to it like a phone. Problem solved, right?

Not even close.

I can't tell you much about the interior of the palace. There's red carpet throughout and a lot of portraits and gold gilding. Opulent. Lovely. Palatial We get to the dining room and I'm very excited. Maybe Audrey will be excited with me. This is the area where they put each year's special display. The state rooms of the palace are open to the public every year from late July through September and each year they have a different special display. This year it's 50 years of the Queen's designer ballgowns. They are sorted by color and the room promises to hold fabulous sights.

The room also holds hundreds of people and is very stuffy and hard to get around in. Audrey is *not* impressed with all of the dresses and immediately announces that she's going to wet her pants. So Steve takes her out to find the toilets. I know that the toilets are at the end of the tour in the gardens. The general unwashed masses are invited to see the state rooms, but not to wee in the royal potties. Caleb stays with me, but after a couple of minutes in the room, I decided to give it up as a hopeless task and we leave. We run across Steve who has discovered the fact about the toilets being at the end and who has decided that Audrey's pronouncement was a ruse to get out of the palace sooner.

At this point we only have 2 more rooms and a big stairway to go, but we don't know it. I think if we did, I could have weathered the storm that was Audrey a little better. We get to the end where we turn in the audio guides and pick up checked items. Audrey wants to keep hers and the meltdown goes totally nuclear when I return it. In the palace garden, we let Audrey ride in the stroller and after a stop at the toilets (where Audrey announces she doesn't have to potty, thus proving Steve's suspicion earlier) we're off on the mile-long path through the garden to the back gate. When we get back on the street, Caleb mentions that his head hurts.

We walk down to Hyde Park tube station and catch the tube to the next station where we get off and make a connection to another line that will take us to Paddington. Except Steve got Picadilly stuck in his head and takes us on a line that will take us to Picadilly but not all the way to Paddington. So we have to change trains again. There is quite a bit of walking when changing trains. You usually have to go up some stairs or an escalator, walk a little bit, then go back down. We get on the right train and only have 4 stops until Paddington. Caleb is leaning back with his head buried in Steve's arm, so I can't see his face. It's hot on the trains and we're all tired.

Paddington Station. Out of the tube station and up the escalator to the train station. I turn to look at Caleb and switch into hyper-drive when I see his face. He is as pale as a sheet. His lips are the same color as his face. I grab him by the hand and start walking as I'm looking frantically for a trash can or an empty bag or a sign for the toilets. As I'm walking, I'm telling him to breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth slowly. I'm looking, I'm walking, I'm talking, and I'm thinking "Please God, let me find something for him to puke in. The last thing I want is vomit on the floor." For those of you who don't know, I can handle everything that comes with being a Mom except vomit. That's Steve's job. Instead of a trash can or the toilets, I find an exit. We go outside and sit on the curb so he can get some fresh air. He's ok - for now.

I leave Steve with the kids (listening again to the Rainbow Fairies) and I go find some Sprite for Caleb. No crackers, though. These people love their biscuits, but darned if I can find regular crackers!

Caleb doesn't want the Sprite, so now I go to the Burger King to get dinner for Steve, Audrey, and myself, planning to eat on the train. Get the food, collect the family, head to the platform with the train leaving the soonest. Get on the train and discover as Steve is pushing the stroller down the aisle that there is nowhere for us to all sit together.

Marvelous.

So we have to park ourselves in the space between cars. It's hot, it's wobbly, and there are only 2 pull-down seats. So the kids get those. I start getting the food out and Caleb gets sick in one of the empty bags I had for him. Poor little boy. He's all sweaty and doesn't feel good.

There's one stop between London and Reading and Steve is hoping to find a place to sit after that stop when people (presumably) get off. Sure enough, he finds a set of seats for us. Julie stays in the stroller in the aisle. I have to push her out of the car back to where we were waiting originally 3 different times to let people through. Finally I just stay there.

Off the train at Reading. Rude people cutting in front of us again at the gate to get out. Hello, we have a stroller and 2 kids!

Steve has been looking for a trash can ever since we got off the train. He's got the bag of sick inside a plastic grocery bag and wants to throw it away. I'm not kidding you - there are NO trash cans in the train station. None. He looks all around. I'm starting to get paranoid that we're going to miss our bus because he wants to find a trash can. I'm thinking "just leave it somewhere" but he's insistent. We walk towards the bus stop and find several trash cans. sWe have to wait 20 minutes for our bus, and Caleb throws up again in a different bag but that one doesn't hold and it starts to leak. We run to the nearest trash can and take care of business.

While this drama is unfolding, a little girl walks up to Audrey and starts talking to her. Her name is Rachel and she's 4 and she lives in Tilehurst. They are best friends within 30 seconds. At least she's keeping Audrey and Julie occupied while Steve and I take care of Caleb. Bus arrives, we board. Steve and Caleb sit in the disabled seats facing Audrey and Rachel who are sharing a seat. Julie is between them in the stroller and Rachel's mom is across the asile, also facing the girls. Her seat is a sideways one. I'm on the next row by myself.

And a drunk guy gets on and sits by/on me. As he was lurching to sit down, the bus started moving and he plopped down mostly in his seat, but partially on me. I don't think he even noticed. Grandfather-aged. Nice man. He enjoyed watching the little girls chatting and singing and was not too smelly. He teased them a little and talked about his granddaughters.

7.45 p.m. Home. Everybody to bed. Lights out and all asleep by 9.30. Even me and Steve.

Today we're recuperating. I'm not too sore, even though I picked up and carried Audrey 2 or 3 separate times in the palace. I was expecting my back to really hurt. Caleb is fine. I think it was overexhaustion and overheating and over-everything. Julie was a dream the whole time.